I am back!

I have to confess – I lost my password and couldn’t for the life of me remember my login details.

I am back now, and have FINALLY approved a whole lot of really old comments – this one included, from the man himself. He sent this before he was arrested and jailed.

How do I apologise, whatever I say, I will fall under some category, I’ll be defending my actions, or I’ll be trying to clean dirt of myself. I can’t explain the reasons I felt the way I did, why I treated you mean, I’ll just be doing what I’ve been accused of doing, turning everything around, I’ll be trying to become the victim somehow, am I doing it now, ? you didn’t deserve any negativity that I gave, I am truly sorry.

 

 

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Mr Mean finds a New Home

Feb 24, 2016 

A paedophile who moved to the other side of Australia to escape justice from his heinous crimes has handed himself in.

Wayne Veevers changed his name and moved to Australia in a bid to “flee his disgusting past”, a court has heard.

The 36-year-old from Runcorn, Liverpool, presented himself at Runcorn Police Station last year and revealed to officers he was a wanted man.

He finally decided to confess to a string of sick offences committed against a girl of junior school age more than 10 years ago.

On Monday he pleaded guilty to one count of rape , four of indecent assault on a child and one of gross indecency with a child at Warrington Crown Court .

Mr Barnes told the court: “He said ‘I want to confess, I want to do the right thing’.

“He was so disgusted at what had happened that he changed his name and said ‘I just want to die’.”

Veevers had targeted the young child over several years when he was a young adult. The rape was the final offence to occur.

Judge Nicholas Woodward said he was satisfied Veevers has expressed “genuine remorse”, though added it was clear he had displayed elements of grooming .

In mitigation, Mr Barnasco said Veevers was “tormented” by what he had done and in the past had tried to distance himself from the offences by moving abroad, changing his name and “almost adopting another persona because he believed Wayne Veevers is such a horrible person.”

Veevers was sentenced to six years and eight months in prison and handed a Sexual Harm Prevention Order with conditions relating to his contact with children.

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/tormented-paedophile-who-moved-australia-7432976

Five Years On…..

It’s been five years since Mr Mean was escorted onto a plane and flown back to England, owing the Australian government enough money to ensure he wouldn’t be returning for a very long time.

I have been in what I would class as a “normal” relationship for three years and there are some notable differences in my life now. I thought by sharing, I could possibly encourage some of you in your journey.

There was light at the end of the tunnel for me once I started making better choices. I had to do a lot of inner healing- it sounds airy fairy, time-consuming and complocated but it was quite simple.

My healing truly began when I made a promise to myself that I would no longer sacrifice my happiness for someone else’s.

I pictured myself as a little girl, looked at some photos to get a clear picture of myself back then and then I spoke to that child and asked her to forgive me. I promised that child that from then on, I would only make decisions that benefited someone else, if they also benefitted me first.

I refused to be miserable ever again in order for someone else to be happy.

If someone needs me to be weak, powerless, miserable and isolated from family and friends in order to be with me and love me, I do NOT want to be with that person. I don’t need that kind of love. (Except we know it isn’t love, it’s all about control).

I would rather be alone than be with someone who rejoices in my failure and humiliation. Loving partners are supposed to encourage their partners and rejoice and celebrate with them when they succeed.

Humiliating someone is NOT loving them.

In my relationship now, I no longer walk on egg shells. I no longer have that tight knot in my stomach when his car drives up the driveway, I no longer cringe every time I need to ask him a question, I no longer feel unappreciated and taken for granted and most importantly, I no longer feel that I don’t matter to my partner.

We have arguments, we yell and sometimes we even say horrible things to one another. But the difference is, it’s over soon, apologies are made and it’s not re-hashed a million times over with no resolution, ever. Mr Mean only ever accepted an apology temporarily, until the next time, when he would add that one to the many, many other incidents he stored in his brain to throw at me when he was angry.

One thing that took a long time to come to terms with, was that Mr Mean purposefully did things to annoy me or upset me. I used to make excuses for him- maybe he didn’t hear me, maybe he didn’t understand me, maybe he is depressed, maybe he has ADHD.

But really, he was just a jerk.
One situation that sticks out, mainly because now it seems so bizarre, was the situation of the washing.

Mr Mean would hang out the washing for me on occasion, he said he enjoyed doing it. Except he would never use clothes pegs for my clothes. He would just hang them over the line. I would go out later to find my clothes in the dirt. I would beg him to use pegs, I would show him the clothes, explain that they were getting dirty. He would listen intently, nod his head, say he understood, promise not to do it again and then I would watch him doing it again.

After about three or four times of this I thought to myself “Hang on, this is my husband I am talking to, not my child.”
It seemed so bizarre to me even then and now, is quite ridiculous.
He wanted to piss me off, plain and simple.
It was only when I saw him hanging HIS clothes with pegs that it truly sank in.

And that is the one major difference with my relationship now. My partner doesn’t run away for hours until I am sick with worry and calling the police- he doesn’t do things purposefully to upset me. He doesn’t enjoy seeing me frazzled and uptight, he does whatever he can to minimise my stress and enjoys seeing me happy. We laugh a lot, he makes me laugh because it makes him happy.

He wants the best for me and vice versa, and that’s the difference.

I wish every girl could read this before she starts dating

This came through my Facebook, from this page:
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Thats-One-Kickass-Mommy/512155625472158

Since I could not have said this better myself and I asked nicely if I could share, here it is unedited.

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. 
If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that’s not meant to be. Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can’t be “friends”. A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend. 

Don’t settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don’t stay because you think “it will get better”. You’ll only be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better. The only person you can control in a relationship is you. Avoid men who have a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn’t marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently? Always have your own set of friends separate from his. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man’s behavior. Change comes from within. Don’t EVER make him feel he is more important than you are, even if he has more education or in has a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more, nothing less. 

Never let a man define who you are. Never borrow someone else’s man. If he cheated with you, he’ll cheat on you. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you. All men are NOT dogs. 

You should not be the only doing all the bending. Compromise is two way street. You need time to heal between relationships. There is nothing cute about baggage. Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you. A relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals. Look for someone complimentary not supplementary. 

Dating is fun. Even if he doesn’t turn out to be Mr. Right. Make him miss you sometimes. When a man always know where you are, and you’re always readily available to him, he takes it for granted. Never move into his mother’s house. Never co-sign for a man. Don’t fully commit to a man who doesn’t give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others. 

Scared of being alone is what makes a lot of women stay in relationships that are abusive or hurtful. Dr. Phil says… you should know that: You’re the best thing that could ever happen to anyone and if a man mistreats you, he’ll miss out on a good thing. If he was attracted to you in the 1st place, just know that he’s not the only one. They’re all watching you, so you have a lot of choices. Make the right one. Ladies take care of your own hearts.

Thats One Kickass Mommy

Take 5 Magazine Article

A few months ago I had the opportunity to do an interview for Take 5 magazine. I saw it as another way to warn potential victims of con artists.

Page One of the Take 5 article

 

Page two of the Take 5 article

 

Quit Smoking Journal

The first page of the Quit Journal, with my Quit date.

journal page 1

Page 2 and 3 – I included receipts for smokes.

page 2 and 3
Page 4 and 5 – Flip back the ‘Why’ and you read all the reasons I stopped smoking.

Page 4 and 5

200 Days!

I quit smoking 200 days and $3000 ago, according to my Quit Smoking app.

For me, it was time. For any smoker, it has to be in THEIR time- there is nothing you, as a non-smoker, can say or do to motivate a smoker to quit. Quitting is bloody tough and it takes courage.

For me, planning was the key to the entire process. I knew I was going to give up so I planned the date and wrote it on the calendar and in my diary. My partner was going away for a month and I planned to  use that time on my own to give up, without the risk of arguments or tantrums.

I set the date and made some lists – Reasons why I wanted to give up, How smoking made me feel, Things I would buy with an extra thousand dollars and then I put the lists away in  a note-book. I didn’t read them again until Q-Day.

I kept the date in my mind, told everybody I was giving up on that date – some said “That’s awesome” and some said “We’ll see” but I knew I meant it.

I downloaded and set up a couple of Quit Smoking apps on my phone – I suggest you get a couple, because you may like one more than the other. I deleted all but my favourite after a week. The apps certainly help motivate you. Mine sent me a message every morning telling me how awesome I am.

On Q-Day I had about 5 smokes left and I gave up some time in the morning. I read through my lists again and kept busy. I started a scrapbook journal and spent the next few days decorating the pages. I took several showers, rubbing my arms and legs vigorously in an attempt to release the toxins. On the third day, I had a massage which was a help and a great reward.

I made myself accountable – I told everyone I knew, on Facebook and in real life. I created a Facebook Page called “Roz Can Do It” and people posted comments of support there for me. I wanted to feel that if I went out and bought a packed of smokes, someone would recognise me and ask me what the hell I was doing.

It worked. People were stopping me in the street asking me how it was going. (I live in a fairly small town). I felt that if I cheated, I would be cheating everyone, not just myself.

There are some tips you can put into practice:
*Move your chair etc from your regular smoking spot
*Drink bucket loads of water to flush out the toxins
*Don’t worry if you get the shakes or cry a lot, it will pass
*Fill a coffee jar with cigarette butts and a bit of water. When you feel a craving, stick your face in the jar and take a good sniff.
*Keep busy – make lists of things to do around the house if you need to.
*Try and avoid smokers for the first week at least. Take time of work if you can afford to.

My strategy seems to have worked – I am 200 days smoke-free and feeling great.

I have been snorkelling on the Great Barrier Reef since quitting, something I would never have been able to do had I been smoking. It’s very important to reward yourself – save some of the money and treat yourself.

You deserve it!

P1000790
At Mackay Reef, March 2013.

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