Now it makes complete sense…almost….

I have been reading Lovefraud for a while now, and it is an incredibly helpful website. Today I read this:

A love bond is created by pleasure, and during the seduction phase of the relationship, the sociopath generates extreme pleasure for the target. However, addiction research has discovered that although pleasure is required to form a bond, pleasure is not required to maintain it. Even when a relationship starts to get rocky, normal people still feel bonded. Again, this is Nature’s way of keeping people together. If parents split up at the first sign of trouble, the survival of children would be in doubt.

Sooner or later, of course, relationships with sociopaths get rocky. Perhaps the sociopath engages in cheating, stealing or abuse. The sociopath’s actions create fear and anxiety in the target. But instead of driving the target away from the sociopath, anxiety and fear actually strengthen the psychological love bond.

So what do the targets do? They turn to the sociopaths for relief. The sociopaths may apologize profusely and promise to change their hurtful ways, reassuring the targets. The targets, feeling bonded to the sociopaths, want to believe the reassurances, so they do. Then the two people have sex, which reinforces the bond again.

From the target’s point of view, the relationship becomes a vicious circle of bonding, anxiety, fear, relief, sex and further bonding. The longer it goes on, the harder it is for the target to escape.

The result: For the target, the love bond becomes an addiction.

Scary stuff, although it explains a lot for me.  Thank you Love Fraud!

For a long time I could not understand why the break-up with Andrew was harder to deal with than any other break-up. Even after I knew and really faced the truth about him, there were things about him I missed.

Of course, that is exactly how he planned it.


5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. sugarmum
    Jan 17, 2011 @ 04:40:27

    Thanks, that really explained it for me too. xx


  2. sugarmum
    Jan 17, 2011 @ 04:41:16

    PPS…I pinched it for my site


  3. married2mrmean
    Jan 17, 2011 @ 04:45:26

    No worries, I thought it might help you 🙂


  4. kinkylittlegirl
    Jan 17, 2011 @ 12:19:35

    Makes complete sense to me, and explains a lot for me as well.

    It can still happen even if they don’t actually plan anything per se.

    OTOH, they do work hellaciously hard to create enough pleasure to keep the bond going.

    It really is creepy in a way how the attraction and the pull still lingers, even though I can’t even remotely imagine ever getting back together, intellectually at least.


  5. married2mrmean
    Jan 17, 2011 @ 13:33:25

    Exactly, I can’t imagine ever accepting him back in my life. But it took me a long time to be able to watch the video of him without feeling a pang.


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