I DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so proud of myself.

He told me once too often that he did not want to be married to me, and the last time I thought…

“You know what?  I don’t actually want to be married to you either.” 
 He told me to go and find someone else, so I said

“WOOHOOO about bloody time!”

I registered myself on a dating site the next week, just to see what would happen. It turns out I am quite a catch and I was inundated with messages. I went on one date and that was enough for me to know that I do not feel like Mr Mean’s wife anymore. I did not feel one pang of guilt, I felt like a free person living with the most impossible house-mate ever! I have now removed myself from the dating site until I am more ready. 

He has to stay here for a couple of months at least, while we get the finances sorted out. I have absolutely moved on though, I have taken off my ring, I am telling people we are over and I will be going away to friends in Brisbane for Christmas. (I figure the debt collectors won’t come looking for me until after Christmas LOL!) I have not felt like his wife for months and the relief now at not having to fake wifely feelings, is immense!

I was sent the most amazing book by email, from a friend who is also going through a seperation. The book has helped me so much in this situation, if anyone is interested pop me a line. It had a bit in there about partners with low self-esteem. What happens is they are attracted to someone who is everything they are not.  The relationship grows and he  (or she) is happy at first. As things progress and the relationship grows stronger, he starts to question why you love him.  Because he perceives himself as unloveable, he starts to wonder what is wrong with YOU for loving him. There is something wrong with him, so there must be something wrong with you in order for you to love him. So then he starts to find out what is wrong, looking for faults until everything falls apart.

It is in those times that I am living my own life, being supposedly mean to him, that he wants me the most, he admitted that to me the other night. So in order for me to stay married to him, I have to shut down a part of myself and pretend to be something I am not. I have to act callous and cold to him if I want him to stay interested in me. I decided I did not want to compromise myself one more second for him.

And I won’t ever allow a man to change my personality ever again.

Have a Merry Christmas everyone! And really, thank you all so much for your support. If I did not have this blog I don’t think I would have moved on this fast but everyone was telling me the same thing, and I had to listen. So thank you thank you thank you, I wake up every day now dancing on the inside.

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh and by the way- he was on the pills for 10 days and has not been back to the doctor since. However, he has registered himself on lavalife dating site, I guess a new relationship will fix everything for him! I am happy he has done it, if he starts dating at least he will get out of the house more.


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