A good day…….

I woke up this morning and decided that whilst I can’t change his anger or his bahaviour, I can change my environment and the way I live in it. So I had a HUGE clean out of my craft room, decided to have a garage sale next week, and focussed on the job at hand.

I cleaned out cupboards and drawers, sorted stuff to sell, stuff to keep, and tidied everything. It felt so good to get rid of stuff that has been gathering for ages. I am not a huge hoarder at the best of times, but there was stuff in there that had not seen the light of day for months lol. I then went on to do the same in my part of the house.

I firmly believe that nothing new can come into your life while you are hanging on to old things. I felt really empowered, stronger somehow, because it felt like I had taken control of my area of the house. 

And I have come up with the BEST defence…it’s just the BEST. Everytime he starts to raise his voice at me I sing a made up song about how happy happy happy i am to be in my nice clean room and how happy happy happy I am to be alive- he can’t STAND it, he has to leave the room LOL. Every time he raises his voice I start to sing and drown him out and eventually I just end up laughing at how ridiculous he is.

It’s been a good day 🙂

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3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Shirley-Anne
    Nov 21, 2008 @ 11:58:14

    Wow ! I feel for you.
    I too live with a verbal abuser. I understand what it can be like.
    Although he has mellowed with age and I have seen a councilor [years ago]. I had to learn to be assertive. My way was to stand face to face and say ..what you said is unnacceptable and I will not discuss any thing till you stop and I would turn away and leave the room .Remember anger, frustration and worry are all natural feelings/emotions and how we react /manage them are our own responsability.In other words that is his responsability. yours is to live your life your way. You seem to be doing that. But know this you do have friends who care . If you ever need a cuppa , hug one on one chat [confideniality assurred ]I am here

    Reply

  2. shivers
    Nov 24, 2008 @ 10:40:23

    This strategy won’t last for long. He’ll work his way around your defences, and figure out how to get to you in other ways. Besides, this is no way to live in a married relationship.

    YOu could do the strategy that Shirley-Anne suggests, it’s a good one, and it may work. But in my case it never did. Walking away from him only escalated his sulking and flipped on his ‘I am a victim’ button. Telling him what he said was unacceptable, would result in retorts of denials, minimisations, and all the explanations of why he did or said what he did. In a sense, telling him to stop brought forth more cementing in his mind of why he had to do the things he did. Because, of course, I made him do or say them.

    Reply

  3. Val
    Nov 25, 2008 @ 06:49:42

    I have also stood up to him and left the room. Sometimes it has worked but sometimes it has made him more angry and although he has never hit me I am afraid that I may push him to that. So that holds me back sometime. I know that he had a shitty childhood but so did I and millions of other people who find ways of dealing with it other than attacking those who are closest to him.I am not allowed an opinion of my own as I am being defiant. Whats with that. I have gone onto tablets to help me and I see my shrink when I need to. I also have amazing friends that help me to deal with it and on the whole I feel that I am doing ok. My problem now is that my kids have left home and I am not sure that I want to stay with this man but I am not sure how to leave. I have never worked so he has made sure that I have no skills. I have no family here and moving in with a friend could be disasterous. Caught between a rock and a hard place.

    Reply

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