The past week or so…

In a word….HELL!

He came to his senses for a few days, admitted that everything I had said was right (although there is never really an apology, just admitting that I am right). He even broke down and cried about his past, he remembered some things from his childhood and he finally accepted that he might need help.

So he went to the doctor and got some anti-depressants, and for the first night I thought it was a miracle cure. He came home smiling and even sat with me and did craft! He got an early night and woke up the next day early and in a good mood.

The last night he came home and sat down to have dinner. I received a phone call from a customer asking me to help them with something. He interrupted me, made me put her on hold and spent 3 minutes trying to tell me what to say to her. I went back to my call, ignored what he said and finished the call. He totally TOTALLY went off at me because I did not take his advice. I explained that I did not ask for his advice so did not feel the need to accept it. He went off even more.

I waited a while and then went to try to talk to him, to remind him of the time my cousin’s wife came to stay. I had received a letter from my insurance company about some business insurance stuff. As I was reading I made some comment and she asked what the letter was about. I wanted to tell her to mind her own business, but I told her it was from my insurance. She started telling me hopw to run my business. I started to tell her that I didn;t actually need her help, I had it all under control- she went off accusing ME of being controlling because I wouldn’t do what SHE wanted for my business.

Mr Mean could not see an relevant comparison. After all…I have asked him to communicate more and then when he tries, I don’t listen. That was his justification for the whole telephone thing.

And then this moring he woke up and acted as if nothing had happened.

At this stage we are living in seperate rooms. He has told me once again that he wants to get help for himself but is not sure that he wants to be married. he has also told me to start dating again and I am thinking about it……

And when I questioned  him about our vows and all his promises, he told me that I didn’t mean it because I have promised things to other men. In that one second he took the past 5 years of being totally devoted, loyal, supportive and loving towards it, wrapped it in dog poo, stomped on it, spat on it, ripped it into pieces and rubbed it back in the dirt. Patricia Evans talks about minimisation and that was the worst case of minimisation I have ever personally experienced. See- at least I am learning something!

So in the meantime I am going to give his medication about a month and see if that changes anything. I somehow doubt it will though!

I hope everyone else out there is feeling strong today.


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. shivers
    Nov 24, 2008 @ 10:34:33

    The pills are unlikely to be helpful in the long term. They may alleviate his mood swings, stop him from feeling quite so ‘down’, but they won’t do a damned thing for his loss of control and anger. Been there, done that, seen it not work. 🙂


  2. Val
    Nov 25, 2008 @ 06:40:50

    Yip I have been there too. I feel that he was slightly better on the tablets, but he has now taken himself off them because they made him sweat. What really gets my goat is the whole what is good for the goose is definately NOT good for the gander. I have also tried very hard to change my attitude and try and tell myself that these are his issues and nothing to do with me – which is fine in theory but goes out the window when he starts to shout. My guts turns to mush and my mind turns to jello. Cant get a rational sentance out of my mouth. Then come the gifts and he makes me feel guilty all the time. I am working on that and I have been to a shrink which has helped me a lot. Really he is the one that needs help. But he wont go to a psych and the one time he did come with me he manipulated the whole situation so that I looked like the paluka.


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