ARGH!

I tried to think of a subject for this post for ages, and all i could do was scream silently, so that’s what i called it!

We have apparantly seperated.  He has moved into my son’s old bedroom, and taken his play-station, TV etc with him. He told me that he does not love me anymore but he does not have anywhere else to go (his family does not live locally). I actually can’t afford to leave him either, since he has created so much debt. He got driver’s license and within 6 months had accumulated $1000 worth of speeding and red camera fines and lost his license. That was after spending $1000 on the lessons for his to get the license!

He has had two car accidents which have cost us $3000 EACH! He has made some really stupid decisions just because he believed that something should be a certain way. For example, he had a car accident, believed that he was in the right (which he wasn’t) and believed that the owner of the other car should have seen that, so he gave the guy his details and left the accident, didn’t bother to go to the police station, and of course that was seen as his admission of guilt so he was lumped with the entire repair bill. ARGH!

So I told him tonight that he can move into the spare room, I will work out a really strict plan for us to get all the bills paid off, and once the bills are paid then we will be free to go our seperate ways.

The thing is…I don’t believe him.

Because when he is being Mr Nice, he always tells me how he feels so bad when he says things like that because he is only saying them to be mean and he would never leave me etc etc……so it gets really hard to know who to believe anymore. I am at the stage where I know he won’t physically harm me so I don’t feel unsafe at all, but if he left I don’t think I would be devastated either. So I am doing what so many wives do I guess…and just waiting to see what happens.

The other thing he does is he always chooses REALLY big days for me to throw his tantrums. Tomorrow is a big day for me. I am putting on an all-day function with some of my friends and I need to be at my best, and of course he KNOWS that when he throws a fit, I am absolutely not at my best. He knows that tomorrow is an important day for me and yet he chooses to tell me this stuff tonight….he is either really really stupid, or he is doing it on purpose. That thought is almost too must to bear.

At least I am not short of things to write about! I still have not got to the lack of respect for personal space and privacy. I also want to write about how this affects me….today I got in the car and as soon as I put my hands on the steering wheel I felt like I was going to ahve a panic attack- and i don’t get them!

I will save that for another day.

*hugs* everyone and thanks so much for your comments, they mean a lot!

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3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. shivers
    Nov 10, 2008 @ 11:06:22

    Starting to feel like getting panic attacks is a BIG warning sign. Your body is telling you that it’s breaking under the stress this guy is causing in your life. The fact that you got it while almost driving is of some concern. It was at the stage that I felt a panic attack coming on, in the car park at Colonnades was when I just KNEW I had to do something.

    Tell Centrelink you’re separated under the main roof and see what benefits you and he are entitled to. That might be of some help to you for paying off those debts.

    He also chooses his hissy fits the day before any important days for you, we’ve been down that track before. Come to think of it, wasn’t it not long ago that he was in a caravan in your front yard! I doubted his sincerity way back then, his ‘apology’ and ‘remorse’ were too quick, but I’m not one to say, I told you so, not at all, that is not what I’m saying here, I only mention it to cast yourself back 2 years. A sense of de ja vue? You’re on a cycle, and it’s never-ending. There could be 20 or more years to this cycle if you let it continue on. This is the bit where the wive’s say, “Oh, I’ll just wait and see what happens/what he does.” What happens is it gets worse. What he does is get worse. Question asked and answered – no brainer really, seen it all before.

    Sounds like you’re getting over the hate, anger, betrayal and disappointment with this guy anyway. That’s good. Indifference to him is what is needed to approach the whole situation from a non-emotional position, one that once you resolve your mind to it, positive results will start to appear.

    Hugs…(((()))))

    Reply

  2. Val
    Nov 14, 2008 @ 13:11:09

    Hmmm, know this scenario so well. I have just been through the same thing. Was told he wanted a divorce, moved into the spare room…. but I have to say still expects dinner on the table at night because I dont work. This ended up in a huge fight – because I wont keep quiet any more. After a week of this kind of behaviour he comes home with a new car for me. A gorgeous black Audi A3 convertable. What the hell is that all about. Like it makes up for his bad moods and behaviour. I have so had enough.

    xx

    Reply

  3. Linda
    Nov 17, 2008 @ 01:39:24

    My heart just breaks for you, to see someone you love turn into a monster is unbelievably difficult. I do know, I have been there with an ex-serviceman who punched holes in the walls on numerous occasions. Too late for us, he found treatment at a Rehabilitation Centre for Vietnam Vets.
    Under no circumstances blame yourself. He is the one with the anger problem, the control problem, and not you. You cannot change him, he must want to change himself for any good to happen. If he does not think there is a problem, he will not do anything about it.
    Poor baby – he has nowhere to go? Neither do half the battered wives who each day manage to get out of impossible situations – there is such a thing as shelters and such, maybe it will be a wakeup for him. DON’T leave your home. You have worked mighty hard to get where you are, and why are his irresponsible debts YOUR problem? I realise as a married couple you care and want to help him out, but he has to stand up as a man and pay his own way. You were right that it is like dealing with a three year old child.
    The longer it continues, the harder it will become if nothing ever changes, I would get him out from under your roof before much longer, and get help from appropriate departments that are set up for these situations.
    Never forget your friends are there for you and love you and will do all they can to help.
    Good luck and I will continue to monitor this situation hoping for some good news.

    hugs
    xxxxx

    Reply

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